wham bang smash plop!

Its christmas eve today and im down with a stuffy nose and persisting scratchy throat since monday - not exactly the best way i'd like to spend christmas. Its not really christmassy around here in singapore. Guess the only telling sign is the KRAZY CROWDS of people at orchard (OH EM GEE its crazy trying to make your way through throngs of bodies in the trains and on the streets) and the christmas songs they keep playing on loop on the radio or at the malls.

Couldnt stop singing jingle bell rock today when I was out with the poks! I am in a rather jolly mood today.

( OH JOLLY OH GOLLY OH WOLLY. )

So anyway, to compliment my jolly christmas mood today, I just painted my nails redddd (too bad no green) and Silent Night (some strange harp version) is playing away on my radio. (:

after our flight from venice being delayed for 3 hours cos of a snow storm, reaching back to hall at 6.30 am, sleeping at 8am, waking up at 11am, lunch, and then going to the airport- i'm finally home.

the first thing i'm going to say is: boy, it is damn hot here! i got off the plane into changi airport and i was like omg it's damn hot and started peeling off layers haha. then i saw my family outside the arrival gates and i hugged baby for a good five minutes.

eurotrip was mostly awesome, and even the less awesome bits made for good experience. the company was awesome, and i think it made for a great first eurotrip experience! hopefully i'll get photos up soon (: and give it the proper blog entry it deserves too


sometimes i feel that it's like i lead two different lives- one in singapore, and one in london. i alternate between them and they dont seem to reconcile perfectly, but i'm comfortable with both nonetheless.

but it does feel good to be back. after recuperating with a foot massage tmr (we walked EVERYWHERE) i'll be up and about and ready to go come christmas onwards!

"I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best."

Ellen Bass - The Thing Is

to love life, to love it even
when you have no stomach for it
and everything you've held dear
crumbles like burnt paper in your hands,
your throat filled with the silt of it.
When grief sits with you, its tropical heat
thickening the air, heavy as water
more fit for gills than lungs;
when grief weights you like your own flesh
only more of it, an obesity of grief,
you think, How can a body withstand this?
Then you hold life like a face
between your palms, a plain face,
no charming smile, no violet eyes,
and you say, yes, I will take you
I will love you, again.

Today I randomly made a Nigerian friend.

dear huixian,

i don't know how to send you a letter you might be able to read. where you are right now, i hope you can see this.

please help me thank Him that i got to hold your hands today, and whisper in your ears that i love you so much. when em sok yl and i were singing those carols. i hope you liked them, because that was the only christmas gift we could give you. even though you were sedated, i know you could hear us. i really do.

when i was holding your hands, i was suddenly reminded of the moment in the sgh high-d ward. you were squeezing my hands, crying and asking me why everything was happening. you said you didn't know when and how all this would end. and all i could do was to cry with you and promise you i would stay through it with you. i remember days of speaking through the phone across the door when you were in isolation. scribbling on those vanguards of yours. im sorry i was separated from you by your suffering, a wall none of us could surmount. please forgive me for not being the best friend that i could be.

once, you asked me how it was like when i used to have syncope attacks. then you asked me how it felt like to live with my back pain. what i really wanted to say was, i have the strength to go on because you continued. even before all of this happened, you were always strong in the face of impending medical test reports. even when results were bad, life still went on.

i've been losing sleep alot this week. i would go look at all of your facebook photos, and read your old blog, without knowing why. maybe i was afraid to lose a part of the memories we used to share. when i told my friends, they thought i was having some kind of obsessive compulsive disorder. if you knew, you would probably chuckle at me for being stupid.

the second time we went back to the hospice today, i thought i was ready to say goodbye. but as they wheeled out each and every needle and pump that used to run through you. i lost it. there was a baby sleeping very peacefully in a cot. and i thought, thats probably how you would be now. in no pain, and sleeping soundly in Daddy's arms.

we made a promise to go to the flyer together for christmas just 2 weeks ago. and we were debating - em thought the night view would be beautiful. i thought the night view would just be a bunch of twinkling lights. and finally, we came to the conclusion to research on the timing of the sunset. and time our ride so that half of it would be in the day, and half would be in the night :)

today, i told you again, we would definitely go to the flyer together.

and yes we would. i believe where you are now, there will be a humongous flyer, one that's free of charge. and when we finally meet again, we will go round and round on it. through day and night. and maybe, through each of the four seasons too.

till then, love
celeste

i love my aunt - dont know what i'd do without her.

when i was a young girl,
she packed me my lunchbox
she tied my hair into braids for me
she brought the sick child that i was time and again to the doctor's
she prayed for me when i was fevering
she scolded me when i was being bratty
she kissed me goodnight everyday
she taught me who God was

now that im a good one feet taller than her,
she cooks me my favourite dishes
she knows where my clothes are better than i do
she gives me power massages after a gruelling training
she sews my christmas stockings for me at lightning speed
she moves upstairs to sleep in the studyroom to let me study late during As
she endures my moodswings
she knows the perfect remedy for my usual stomach ailment - steaming hot ginger tea
she is just about the only soul in the family who appreciates my baking
she packs fruits for me everyday to take out
she teaches me what faith is

( ramble. )


Chalk was good though. I generally like alfresco dining places but I liked this place even more than normal cos it was alfresco AND served good western food! Food was very very satisfactory. Had the Duck Confit with Sweet Potato Mash. Was initially a little sceptical about the dish because I mean who expects sweet potato to go well with duck right but hmmm it was DELISH! Also had a pizza (garlic chicken sausage, chilli, onions) because we decided that we being the bottomless pits that we were needed our carbs. Shared a sampler platter of dessert consisting of Sticky Date Pudding, Creme Bulee, Vanilla Panacotta, Apple Crumble. Favourite was the Vanilla Panacotta with its generous serving of blueberry sauce and slight vanilla taste YUMM.

tonight again i got the feeling that some people talk to you just cos they want/need something from you.

I'm left with the Christmas cards for family. save the best for last (: unfortunately, I'm slightly out of steam. hurhur. but this is after writing 21 Christmas cards (6 today and the rest last night. 12 of these cards are for my bosses/colleagues so not THAT emotional as the special ones. hurhur).

I do hope the people receiving the Christmas cards will feel as much joy as I felt when writing them.

I really miss and love you. all.

I have been really blessed to have so many special people who have made such a positive impact and been such a brilliant influence in my life. Sometimes I stumble and wonder if these people feel the same way I do. But I realised it doesn't really matter. As long as I feel loved and know that they are special to me. That's all that really matters, isn't it? (:

Today is a beautiful day. The sun is shining brightly after a day of snow/sleet.

My mood is really easily affected by the weather. and I do feel that I'm slightly slipping into hibernation.

But I still have family Christmas cards to write and an essay due tomorrow 6pm (I do hope I'll be able to finish it today so that I'll be free tonight and for the rest of the holidays to spend it with someone properly and have no burden/deadlines to deal with as I start studying properly for the year in preparation for the finals).

Many things to do. My biggest wish this Christmas is that I'll be able to spend my time constructively and manage it well so as to balance all my responsibilities, obligations, wants and needs. 
 
Good luck to me. (:

'a comparison becomes a conceit when we are made to concede likeness while being strongly conscious of unlikeness'

http://chronicle.com/article/Faux-Friendship/49308/

http://ngm.nationalgeographic.com/2010/01/singapore/jacobson-text

You asked me who I thought I was before. I said maybe a fish because I love water and you said, you thought a mermaid, maybe.

If you were a mermaid, you said, If you were a mermaid, I was the sea.

MANJA MANJA MANJAAAAAA.

I will kiss anyone who brings me this from London:

# MULLER YOGHURT (CHOCO BALLS AND STRAWBERRY AND VANILLA FLAVOUR)
# SPECIAL K CEREAL (HONEY OAT FLAVOUR AND RASBERRY FLAVOUR)
# CARTONS OF FRESH YUMMY MILKKKKKK
# SCONES + JAM + CLOTTED CREAM
# ONKEN (BTW I AM HAPPY TO ANNOUNCE THAT I HAVE FOUND A NEAR ENOUGH ONKEN TASTE-ALIKE IN SINGAPORE!! :D)
# HUMMINGBIRD CAFE RED VELVET CUPCAKE
# FOUR SEASONS/GOLDMINE ROAST DUCKKKK (duck here is different tskkk)
# SATSUMAS
# BAGELS
# CHEEP CHEEP HAAGEN DAZ AND B&J (the ntuc near my place has none of the flavours we used to eat - baileys and another flavour i forgot ITS MY FAVE!)

since theyre all perishable goods, i dont expect to be giving out kisses any time hahaha. oh well im feeling rather jolly now because i did a nice little bouquet today YAY and also, my london boxes have arrived SAFELY AND SOUNDLY at my doorstep after a near three month journey out at sea. THANK GOD (:

When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me.


some how some where some time i came across this before.

unhappy, bored and unsatisfied.